Thanksgiving and the winter holidays are often the first time in months that adult children spend real time in a parent’s home, which makes them the best chance to notice the signs an aging parent needs help. Look past the dinner table: check the kitchen, the medicine cabinet, the mail, the stairs, and how your parent moves and talks over a full day. This guide gives Indianapolis families a calm, practical checklist for holiday visits and ideas for what to do next.
Key takeaways
- Holiday visits let you see daily life up close: food, medications, mobility, the house and mood.
- One sign on its own is rarely cause for alarm. Look for patterns and changes since your last visit.
- Falls are the leading cause of injury for adults 65 and older, so watch closely how your parent moves around the house.
- Talk with your parent, not about them, and encourage a doctor visit if you notice memory or health changes.
Why the holidays are a good time to look closely
Phone calls are easy to manage. A parent can sound cheerful for ten minutes even when the week has been hard. Spending Thanksgiving weekend in the house in Greenwood or Brownsburg, or hosting a parent for several days, shows you the parts of life that never come up on the phone: what is in the refrigerator, how long it takes to get up the stairs, whether the bills are stacking up.
The goal is not to inspect or catch your parent out. It is to notice, gently, what has changed, so you can offer the right kind of help before a crisis makes the decision for everyone.
Signs an aging parent needs help: a room-by-room checklist
In the kitchen
- Expired, spoiled or very little food in the refrigerator
- Burned pots or signs that the stove was left on
- Meals reduced to snacks, or the same simple meal every day
- A stack of unwashed dishes when the kitchen was always tidy
Medications
- Pill bottles that are too full (doses skipped) or empty too soon (doses doubled)
- Expired prescriptions, or the same medicine from more than one pharmacy
- Confusion about what each medication is for
Mail, bills and paperwork
- Unopened mail, late notices or utility shutoff warnings
- Unusual charges, many charity solicitations, or signs of scams
- Missed appointments that used to be routine
Around the house
- Clutter in walkways, loose rugs, poor lighting on stairs
- Housekeeping, laundry or yard work clearly falling behind
- A thermostat set too low or too high as Indiana winter sets in
- New dents or scrapes on the car
Watch how your parent moves
Falls are one of the most important things to think about. According to the CDC, over 14 million older adults, about 1 in 4, report falling every year, and falls are the leading cause of injury for adults 65 and older. Over the holiday weekend, notice:
- Holding onto furniture or walls to get across a room
- Trouble getting up from a chair or out of a car
- Shuffling, unsteady walking, or avoiding the stairs
- Bruises they cannot explain, or a mention of “a little tumble”
- Skipping showers because getting in and out of the tub feels risky
Winter adds its own risks in central Indiana: icy driveways, dark early evenings, and fewer trips out of the house. Our guide to fall prevention and home modifications has simple fixes you can make while you are visiting.
Notice memory, mood and personal care
Memory and thinking
Everyone forgets a name or misplaces their keys sometimes. The National Institute on Aging notes that forgetting which day it is and remembering later is typical of normal aging, while losing track of the date or time of year may point to something more serious. NIA suggests talking with a doctor about signs such as:
- Asking the same questions over and over
- Getting lost in places they used to know well
- Having trouble following recipes or directions (the Thanksgiving recipe they have made for decades may be a telling moment)
- Becoming more confused about time, people and places
- Not taking care of themselves: eating poorly, not bathing, or behaving unsafely
Memory changes can have many causes, some treatable, so encourage a doctor visit rather than drawing conclusions.
Mood and connection
- Withdrawing from friends, church or activities they enjoyed
- Seeming sad, anxious, irritable or unusually quiet
- Sleeping much more or much less than usual
- Spending most days alone with little reason to leave the house
Personal care
- Unwashed hair, body odor, or wearing the same clothes for days
- Noticeable weight loss or gain
- Difficulty with buttons, shoes or grooming
For a quick reference you can share with siblings, see our list of 7 signs your loved one may need home care support.
How to start the conversation
If you notice signs an aging parent needs help, resist the urge to fix everything over pie. A few approaches tend to go better:
- Pick a quiet moment. Not in front of the whole family, and not when anyone is tired or rushed.
- Lead with what you saw and how you feel. “I noticed the stairs seem harder, and I worry about you” lands better than “You can’t live alone anymore.”
- Ask what they want. Most older adults want to stay at home. Frame help as the way to make that possible.
- Start small. A few hours a week of help with groceries, housekeeping or a weekly outing can feel far less threatening than a big change.
- Coordinate with siblings. Agree on what you observed before the conversation so your parent hears one consistent message.
- Involve their doctor. If you have health or memory concerns, encourage an appointment and offer to go along.
What help can look like
Support at home can be flexible. Depending on what you notice, options include:
- Companion care for loneliness, conversation, outings and keeping an eye on wellbeing
- Homemaking and errands for meals, groceries, laundry and prescription pickups
- Personal care for bathing, dressing and safe movement around the home
- Skilled nursing ordered by a doctor for medications, wounds or chronic conditions
You can review all of Aken’s home care services to see how they fit together. If you live out of state and are heading home after the holidays, a local caregiver can also be your eyes and ears between visits. For questions about cost or payment, call us to talk through your options.
Frequently asked questions
What are the first signs an elderly parent needs help at home?
Early signs often include a poorly stocked kitchen, missed medications or bills, a messier house than usual, unsteady walking, weight changes, and withdrawing from activities. Look for patterns and changes over time rather than a single incident.
How do I talk to my parent about getting help without upsetting them?
Choose a calm, private moment, share specific observations with care, ask what they want, and suggest starting small. Framing help as a way to stay independent at home often makes the conversation easier.
Should I worry if my parent seems forgetful during the holidays?
Occasional forgetfulness is common, and busy holidays can be tiring. Repeating questions, getting lost in familiar places, or trouble following familiar recipes are worth mentioning to their doctor.
What can I do if I live far away from my parent?
Before you leave, gather contact information for their doctors and neighbors, set up regular check-in calls, and consider a local caregiver who can visit and keep you updated.
Turn holiday worries into a plan
The holidays are about being together, and noticing changes in a parent is one way of caring for them. If something you see over Thanksgiving or the holidays is weighing on you, a short conversation can help you sort out next steps for your family in Indianapolis or nearby.
Aken Home Health and Home Care serves Indianapolis and surrounding counties. Call our office at 317-734-3934 (Mon to Fri, 8am to 5pm) or our 24/7 line at 574-320-4705, or request a free consultation.
